After 3 years, 1 month, and 20 days I am finally on the cusp of moving on with my life. It is hard to believe how many things will be changing in the next couple of weeks -- and I am both thrilled and excited. I have finally sold my house in NJ and will be moving out in 2 days - closing in 3. And I have finally bought the house I have been dreaming of in Florida -- plan on closing there mid-October.
Three and a half years ago I was sure that I would be a Jersey girl for the rest of my life. Three and a half years ago I had three beautiful grand babies and was sure that my three children were all one and done. Three and a half years ago I was what I thought was "happily" married and definitely dependent on my husband. Three and a half years ago I had several BFF (Best Friends Forever) and I knew that we would all be BFF forever. Well, as the saying goes: man thinks and plans while god laughs!!! Because not quite three and a half years ago, the world as I knew it came to a grinding halt and my life changed forever.
I could dwell on the negatives and scary moments when for the first time in my life I was forced to live by myself and take care of myself. I didn't think that I could do this on my own -- but I was wrong! I truly am a strong and very capable woman and I don't need a man to change a light bulb, kill a bug, take me traveling abroad, buy a new car, sell then pack up the place that has been my home for 18 years, or buy a new home in a different state. I can do this on my own!! Yay me!!
I could dwell on the devastating betrayal by an ex who never ever said he was unhappy during 42 years of marriage only to walk out claiming to have been miserable for years. This same ex who is now married the woman he left me for -- the two of them deserve each other. May they soon do to each other what they did to me. I have finally come to the realization that I am so much better off without him. It would be nice to have a loving and caring man in my life -- but I don't need a man to complete me. I really can do it on my own.
I could dwell on the hurt caused by BFF who no longer had room for me in their lives the minute my ex left. I became the person they could meet for lunch or dinner on a night when their husbands were otherwise occupied. I became the person who they found it easy to stop talking to the moment I didn't comply with their wishes and commands. I became the person whose calls and texts could easily be ignored until they were finished dealing with their coupled friends. Instead, I find myself dealing with a network of old and new friends who are truly there for me because they understand what I am going through. These women (and some men too) have been willing to drop their own activities the moment I ask for help. These new friends respond to my calls and texts, and have time to see me -- even on weekends. These new friends who think about us and not just about themselves.
I could dwell on the nieces, and the nephews, and the in-laws who started acting as if I didn't exist the moment my ex left. But why bother! These are the same people who were over at my house on every single holiday and special occasion but never reciprocated. These are the same people who complained about gifts they were given but never gave me a thing. For all the nieces, and nephews, and in-laws who cut me off for no reason, there are other nieces, and nephews, and in-laws who have gone out of their way to make sure I feel loved and included.
And I no longer have just three beautiful grand babies -- I now have six gifts from God who light up my life!! Looks like my children were more of the mindset of two and done!! I feel truly blessed, happy, and fulfilled.
Ironically, the bottom line is that I am actually grateful to the man who walked out 3 years, 1 month, and 20 days ago. Without that, I would have been stuck in a marriage to a man who truly didn't love me although he hid that fact from me for God knows how long. I would have been complacently at peace but never ecstatic. I would have remained BFF with people who don't really care about me. I would have remained subservient to a group of extended family who know how to take but never give. I would have never learned just how strong, capable, and loving I can be. I would have never met a group of wonderful, independent, and caring women who are so much a part of my life at the moment. All in all, I got the better end of the deal when my ex walked out of my life. And now I am excited and happy -- I am on my own but I am not alone.
