There's Nothing Like Alone for the Holidays

The last guy I met on POF (the one who decided that pizza dinner at his house after a 45 minute conversation was appropriate) never called or wrote back.  I have messaged other men on POF but they have either not contacted me or briefly written back only to have the conversation fizzle before I even met them.  One guy wrote to me after a month of silence -- said he wished me as happy a holiday as I could have given my situation.  I wrote back wishing him a happy holiday too and asking if he wanted to meet for a drink.  No response - guess I'll have to wait another month.

I am so sick and tired of the men on POF -- I am really not finding anyone new and interesting.  And since I really don't like being alone for the holidays, I am almost tempted to write back to pizza guy and ask for a do over!  Man I must be desperate!

I decided to sign up for Match.com right after the New Year.  I've been advised that the men on paid sites take things much more seriously than the men on free sites.  I wrote up a brand new profile and had my friend Alyse (a semi-pro photographer) take photos of me yesterday (some even came out okay).  Guess I should sign up today, but I am so nervous about being rejected or getting no responses.  I'm psyching myself to sign up January 1, 2014.  Six months for ~$100 is not terrible - I guess.


Now here is a new issue.  When David first left, my friends were uber-supportive: called and emailed constantly; dropped things to have lunch and dinner with me; called him an asshole even when I was still defending him.  But when it came to introducing me to men, Jill and Michele (my best friends) said they knew no one and that I would have to make new friends who were in my position.  Well, friends are calling and emailing less often (can understand this); lunches and dinner are occurring less frequently (sort of get this); and calling him names has lessened. 

I know that Harvey (of Jill and Harvey) and Marc (of Michele and Marc) have met David for dinner on several Wednesday nights -- this doesn't bother me except that my friends seem to be hiding this rather than letting me know (may be I can condone this).  When I asked Michele to do lunch on Christmas Eve day (knew she wasn't working) she told me that it wasn't a good time because Marc was home.  Not to join her and Marc for lunch - just can't do it cause Marc is around.  Then yesterday night, I sign onto Facebook and see on my news-feed that Jill and David are now "friends".  Are you kidding me?!?!  I know Jill uses David as a doctor but they were never friends -- he never called her and they never did anything together if I wasn't involved and hadn't planned it.  Jill was my friend and he was "husband-of-friend".  I am so pissed. 

I messaged Jill saying, "He dumps me for his whore troll nurse; lies about it to everyone; and still doesn't want his office staff to know we are separated, let alone that he is seeing her.  And you become his Facebook buddy?  Seriously?". 

She wrote back this morning "Connie seriously believe it.  He's my doctor and I wanted to know what was happening just in case I need to change.  This is not about his love life ...Really".

I wrote back "I fully understand that you have a professional relationship - but he is not using Facebook professionally.  I can even understand Harvey having more than a professional relationship with him.  Do whatever you feel comfortable doing."  And she answers "Thanks".  Does she think I am saying go ahead and be his friend, I don't mind.  She's as crazy as he always said she was. 

I'm not sure that I am talking to Jill any more.  She's the one who told me to rent a movie when I was upset that I would be sitting home alone for New Year's Eve.  When I told my not so close friend Alyse that Jill told me to rent a movie, Alyse insisted that I join her and her husband for New Year's eve no matter what they are doing so I won't be alone.  It is becoming more and more obvious that I have chosen very sucky people to be closest to me over the years.

I Am Starting to Hate Men

Argh!  I hate men!!!

The guy who I was supposed to meet for drinks last Friday (the one who canceled saying that there was a family illness) emailed me back on Sunday morning saying that things had resolved and asking if I was still interested in meeting him.  I was at a Divorce Support Meetup in Metuchen when I got the email so I wrote back that I would be home later that day and could meet him that evening.

We met at Thatcher McGhee’s in Denville at 4:00 and had a great conversation over drinks despite it being an extremely noisy sports bar.  He then asked me to have dinner with him and I agreed – but then he said he had to go home and feed his puppy.  Asked if I would follow him and wait in my car for him to take care of the dog so we could proceed to dinner – again I agreed.  Everything was fine until he finished taking care of his dog.  By then the weather had changed and he decided it would be better if he ordered in pizza and we ate at his house.  Whoa -- not exactly my idea of a great meal; nor did I want to spend the evening at his house after just meeting him.  Said I would rather return to Denville (which is halfway between us) and eat in any restaurant – at least I’d be closer to home and have less driving in the worsening weather.  He kept on pressuring me to come in at get cozy, but I really wasn’t comfortable.  He then hugged me and I started wondering if I was going to have to knee him to make him let go.  Finally pushed him away and told him I had just met him and don’t do this after an hour.   He thought about it for a second and said that it might be best if we did dinner another time because he was getting concerned about my driving home alone on icy roads.  He even asked me to text him when I got home, which I did.  He responded telling me to sleep well.

Not a terrible start despite a little bit of pressure.  I expected to hear from him the next day so we could reschedule, but not a word.  Nor did I hear from him on Tuesday.  Told my daughter the story and told her that although I really enjoyed the conversation while we were at the bar, I really didn’t like the pressure and now didn’t think he was going to call back.  She told me I was being too paranoid and pessimistic and also said that I should have stayed and had pizza with him if I liked him.

So I thought about it.  Am I too old fashioned?  Late this afternoon wrote him a casual email saying that I have been out of the dating scene for a long time and didn’t know what to expect and I asked him if he wanted to meet again.  So what does this ASSHOLE do?  He writes back that I am not emotional available and that newly separated people often get into rebound relationships.  He says that he is looking for long term – and I am obviously not ready which was made evident to him because I attended a divorce support group.  Then to top things off, he tells me that I could either plead my case to him so as to change his mind or we could be friends with benefits. 

SERIOUSLY?  I was so pissed that I sent him an email telling him off.  Told him that

1. I was not going to plead my case to him and that he had no idea what a divorce support group was.
2. he has been divorced for 10 years and was only married for about 10 -15 years.  I was married for 42 years.  What gave him the right to lecture me about lasting and long term?  And why hadn’t he already found a perfect relationship after 10 years?
3. even if I had already been divorced 10 years, I wouldn’t have jumped into bed with him after meeting him for less than 1 hour and not even knowing his last name  – that is not me
4. I had enough friends and didn’t need or want his friendship.

Please tell me that it gets better than this!!!!!

Up & down & all around

The past few weeks have been quite the ride.  I met a new man for drinks tonight -- the weather turned ugly so we let it go with only drinks.  I think he is interested -- kept on telling me that I was beautiful (??) and wonderful and that David must be crazy to have left.  But I'm not sure if he was saying that to try to get me into bed or if he is interested.  We'll have to see if he calls back and asks for a second date.

Getting to actually meet on this "first" date was hard enough.  Met Marc online just before Thanksgiving.  He's a MD-PhD with an MBA -  a lot of degrees there so he can't be stupid.  He had his family over; I had Thanksgiving at Ann & John's, dinner with my brother & nephew,  and Chanukah here last Sunday - so last weekend was out.  Then on Monday Marc asked me out for this Friday.  We emailed back and forth a lot and he even called Monday night to make sure I had the information correct.  Didn't hear from him on Tuesday then got email on Wednesday that he had to cancel and that he couldn't reschedule due to an "illness in the family".  Everyone including me thought that this was a blow off if there ever was one.

Then today while I was at a Divorce Support group in Metuchen, I got an email from Marc asking if I wanted to meet today?  Why not -- I wasn't doing anything and he seemed like a good prospect.

Met at Thatcher McGhee's in Denville for drinks and had a nice conversation despite the place being VERY noisy.  He is okay looking -- definitely not an Adonis; shorter than he claims online (he said 5'6"; I think closer to 5'4"); claims to have an athletic body (not sure which sport he is thinking of -- definitely not athletic); he is smart (Cornell graduate and then there are all those advanced degrees); and he is easy to talk to.  I would see him again -- but will have to see if he calls back and asks me out again.

So it starts!