I am showered, dressed, and meeting Jane for brunch (breakfast and brunch - not usually my meals, but I have to make time for friends when they are available) in a short time so I probably won't finish this posting at this point.
This evening is my big first attempt at going out to meet other people who are not married - Soho Lounge and Grill in Somerset for a round of speed dating followed by a dance. I am excited! I am scared! I am depressed! Part of me wants to move on and find someone else to take my mind off him and off me. Part of me screams "what am I doing?". I want my husband -- not a total stranger! Lord why is he doing this to me? Why can't he just say he's made his point and come back so that we can put our lives back together? Will he ever want to come back? God help me -- don't let me make an ass of myself tonight and cry in front of strangers!
*****************************************************************************************************************
Spent a lovely brunch crying to Jane -- hopefully this will get it out of my system so I don't cry tonight. Who is willing to take odds? I feel like such a loser -- is that what everyone else will see?
After brunch, which was at the Whippany Diner, I sent a text to Jessica asking if she, Mike, and Sabrina had gone down to LBI. If they hadn't, I wanted to stop by for a few minutes. Was halfway home by the time Mike responded to my text (Jessica was in the shower) so I turned around and went to visit for less than an hour. What can I say? Wish I had jobs to offer Mike -- hope he finds one soon -- this is frustrating. But I have to remember that this is about them and not about me.
On the way home I stopped at Kohl's and picked up a couple of blouses so that I have something nice and new to wear tonight. I haven't bought clothing in ages - not much of a clothes horse to start with and really haven't needed anything since I stopped working three years ago. Now all I have to do is feed the dogs, get dressed, fix my makeup, and leave giving myself enough time to get there on time. Lord, I am so nervous. Hate driving alone at night in unfamiliar territory. Hate going places on my own. Am uncomfortable opening up to new people. What am I doing? Why am I doing this?
No comments:
Post a Comment