Sweeping Clean

The cleaning people are here and I am relegated to my office to allow them to thoroughly, or not so thoroughly, clean my house.  I am sitting here and thinking about the conversation I had with my therapist yesterday.  She advised me to clean up my act in the sense that I have to stop giving David the weapons and the ability to hurt me.  I have to stop doing things like inviting him to stay for dinner since it kills me when he finds every excuse to say no.  He claims that he wants to be friends, but it seems like the only "friendship" he will allow is one in which he will call all the shots and make all the rules.  What "friends" can't sit down for dinner together?  I need to form a harder shell and act a bit colder and less needy.

I have to start moving on and find a way to comfortably live my life, without him if necessary.  I need to sign up for classes and find something to do out of the house (paid or volunteer) to keep me busy and help me meet new people.  I need to stop crying and realize that he is the one who is broken.  I can't fix him -- he has to do that on his own.

David was here yesterday, during the break between his Woodbridge office and dinner at Jessica's, to  help me pay the bills.  I find it annoying when he does one thing after another without explaining why -- feel that I am learning little that will enable me to move on and do this on my own.  Starting today I will go through the mail on my own and put them into piles:  "To Be Paid", "Trash", "Shred", "For David", "File".  When he comes on Friday or Monday, he can go through the piles to make sure I got things right and I can then pay the bills on my own without him doing me a favor!

Went to a book club dinner meeting at Urban Table last night.  Other than getting a drink spilled all over me and my purse, it was a nice evening out with the girls.  I told the ones who got there early what was happening in my life - possibly will meet up with Sherril Thursday afternoon for lunch.  Laura, who is Jessica's age and in the midst of getting a divorce, was so sweet and said to call her any time I need a drinking buddy.

Jill is supposed to call today when she is finished with her oculist.  Hoping that we have time to go to lunch.  She is a great source to find out about volunteer work.  Also pick up my darling Sabrina this afternoon -- haven't seen in two weeks since they were away and I missed her so much.  Dinner is prepped and ready to go into the oven at Jess's -- having dinner with Jess, Mike, and Sabrina this evening. 

I am moving forward and like the old adage says "A new broom sweeps clean!".