Not the Best of Times and Not the Worst

Maybe I'm not ready.

The good part: I didn't cry last night during the speed dating portion of the "singles" evening.  I was able to talk in four minute chunks to these complete and utter strangers - although some four minute chunks seemed a heck of a lot longer than other four minute chunks.  The bad part: I was uncomfortable and REALLY did NOT want to get to know anyone any better.  And since Josh had invited me to join him, Lauren, Jess, Mike, and Lauren's parents (Ann and John) at his house, I was just as happy to skip the dance portion of the "singles" evening.

The group claims it is for professionals and business people in their late forties, fifties, and sixties.  The men looked to be more in their late 50s and 60s; only one was a lawyer or any sort of profession I recognized.  They were an even mix of divorced, separated, widowed, never married.   The women looked like they were in their late 50s and 60s trying to look like they were in their early 40s.  They weren't there to befriend other women; they were there to meet men! I have never been in a room with so many bleached blonds stuffed into tight sweaters and dresses.  Ugh!  And just to ice the cake, my "date" in the final round was a goon wearing a weird "cool" hat who decided to give me advice on separation and dating and not letting men ply me with alcohol - completely creeped me out!

I left and drove to Josh's (on the way home anyway).  Although I came too late for dinner with the family or to see my angel grandchildren, there was still some food left over and I was ravenous. All I had at the event was one glass of wine.  But what really made the evening special was Josh announcing just before I left that Lauren is expecting another baby in April.  Grandchild number four!  I am thrilled - the first good news I've had in months.  If only I could have shared this moment with my husband.

Today I am meeting the family at noon for lunch and an afternoon at the zoo.  I'm supposed to go to another "singles" even at the Blu Morel in the Governor Morris Inn from 4-8 but I'm not sure I will have enough time to get home and change before the event or that I even want to go at this time.  Actually, I definitely don't want to go.  Maybe, just maybe, I need to give myself another few months or find another way to meet people.  But when if ever am I going to stop feeling like a fifth wheel?