It Takes Almost Nothing to Set Me Off

This morning David sent a text to me and all the kids: "Are any plans being made for Josh and Caroline's birthdays?  I will probably be away for Labor Day weekend and have an office meeting Friday night (9/6) but am otherwise free".

Innocent enough, but that small phrase "I will probably be away for Labor Day weekend"  tore my heart out.  Where is he going Labor Day weekend?  I will be sitting home alone -- where is he going? Who will he be with?  Josh and his family will be away.  Caroline and Natalie are going to visit Caroline's mom and step-dad in MD.  Dan will be working.  That leaves Jessica and her family; but they may already have plans I do not know about.  So with whom will he be going away and where is he going?  All the depression and feelings of abandonment that I have been working so hard to overcome just came rushing back and left me in tears.  "Alone . I am alone!  Why am I alone?" When will this end?  Why did he do this to me?  Will I ever feel normal and content again?

Friends help!  Last night was dinner out with "the girls" (Penny, Michele, Jill) for my birthday -- albeit a very belated birthday.  These plans were made long ago -- we just couldn't find a date that worked for us all any closer to my birthday.  The dinner was fine.  I finally told Penny what was going on in my life -- Jill and Michele already knew.  I didn't break down.  But when they talked about plans with their husbands I felt like an outsider looking in.  That is their world now -- I no longer belong.  And although we sat at dinner until really late, in the end I went home to an empty house.  Well, the dogs were there -- not exactly a lively conversation.

Today I am supposed to meet up with my good friend Jane.  We had plans to go to Chester and walk around.  Later, we have reservations for dinner.  The best laid plans -- I woke up and found that it is pouring outside.  Not the best weather for walking around and exploring a historic town.  Jane is going to call me after her doctor's appointment, but I have a feeling we are going to have to cancel.  Hopefully dinner will still be on because I really need something to cheer me up.

Lord, help me get through this!